i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
