Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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