you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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