Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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