weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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