i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
