She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
