we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
