dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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