you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
