Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
