You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
