I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize