I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
