stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
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