she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
