I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Randomize
