Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
