Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
