There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
