I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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