Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
