the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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