My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
