i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
