Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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