you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Boobs speak an international language.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
