I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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