just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Are these your boobs on my camera?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
