Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
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