I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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