I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Randomize
