When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
