Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize