Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
