she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
