She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
