the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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