she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
