I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Randomize
