I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize