I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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