So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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