We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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