You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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