I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
