Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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