I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
i believe in u and ur pee
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
