Got a toothbrush?
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I think I just shit out all my problems.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
