I'll bet she douches with gravy.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
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