Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
