I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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