Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Randomize
