Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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