My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
