i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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