haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
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