She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
