how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
