Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
