One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
