Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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