im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
