i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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