how can u be prego again
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
