Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
