so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
