if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
