so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Randomize
