mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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