I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
i've created a new STD.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
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