I'm jealous of your bromance
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
