can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
