We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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