That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
