I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
