i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
