I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Barsexuality is the new black.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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