i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
