Non-Jews are for practice
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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