i think my mom watched the whole time
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
