It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
