You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
