Nicole vs. Life
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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