Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Rumble strips road head = magical
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
