I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
then he tried to convert me to islam
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Randomize
