Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
