I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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