haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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