think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
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