ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
should my penis look like a turkey
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
