so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize