Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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