His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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