Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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