apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
