this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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