At least make sure they are 18
Why
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
