how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
