She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
