Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
