life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
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