so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
