Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Randomize
