shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
