been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
